“Life is not fair, and then you die”

What makes me comfortable?  I love the cool weather and putting on jeans, thick socks and a hoodie.  I love sitting around a camp fire that is just a little too big.  I love feeling a part when the Royals when a baseball game.  I love eating Country Fried Steak, Mashed Potatoes w/gravy, Corn, and Mac n’ cheese at Cracker Barrel when the fire is stoked.  I love hanging out and playing catch with my brothers.  I love meeting with my pastors every Monday.  I love dates with my wife.  I love eating dinner with my wife and girls.  I love going to soccer games and being a fan of my daughters.  I love being “Daddy”.  I can think of a million things that make me comfortable.  There is one thing on Earth that I don’t like…Being Uncomfortable.

Since accepting the call to become a Foster/Adoptive parent it seems as though life has just become very uncomfortable.  We continue to question what God has really called us to do.  We wonder why God would pick us to do such difficult yet sometimes rewarding tasks.  We spend hours on end preparing our home and our children for what may come our way.  We are taking one night away from parenting our own children just to learn how to be parents.  Hmm, that doesn’t seem right, but it is.  We are signing up for the State of Missouri to watch us instead of let us be?  How weird is that?  My wife and I sit around and talk about how it all just seems to not add up.  Then, I always remember that verse in the bible that says God only has plans to prosper us not to harm us. 

I don’t exactly think this process will harm us, I more just wonder “why us”.  I don’t even see myself as this person that has the capability to do such a thing.  I tend to want to stay inside my Comfort Zone.  Don’t most people?  The words themselves make us comfortable don’t they?  Well, I guess when the comfort zone comes up in church everyone gets a little shifty in their chairs.  I have heard many things about our comfort zones but my wife reminded me of something about them lately.  It goes something like this… “Comfort equals accepting the status quo.  If you don’t aspire to anything more, then go ahead and be comfortable.   Uncomfortable leads to growth.  It’s scary and may be painful, but pain is temporary.  Your achievements are forever.”

With those kinds of words it sounds like going outside of our comfort zones allows us to really be rewarded.  I’m a tough guy.  I can handle a little bit of pain, right?  My dad used to say “Life is not fair, and then you die”.  That says a lot.  Is it fair that children are out there suffering from abuse, neglect or not getting the things that they need?  Is it fair that I have to leave the comfort of my lifestyle with my biological children and bring who-knows-what into it?  Is it fair that we can live life to its fullest, doing what we want when we want it when there are others that can’t even do it on their own?  Nope, Nope and NOPE!  We have to do what we can to help the ones that can’t.  We have to go outside our comfort zones to grow.  We have to trust that God knows what he is doing.  I can’t do it alone.  My wife can’t do it alone.  You can’t do it alone.   We HAVE to go outside our comfort zones.

So whether it is being wearing a full suit on a 100 degree day in the humidity filled, nasty, Kansas City air on your way to a job interview or becoming a foster/adoptive parent, just know that you are not the only one being uncomfortable.  Uncomfortable is only temporary, until you become comfortable with it.  Step outside your comfort zone and grow.  Grow as a person, a mom, a dad, or a/n (insert job title here).  Just grow.

One of my favorite things

I love to look at this everytime I leave the bedroom. My girls put this up a couple Fathers Days ago. It makes me feel good that they think of me often. They are great girls.

Seconds please...

As my brothers, dad, and I were walking through Bannister Mall about 25 years ago my dad says “OK boys, who wants a cookie?”  My brothers aptly answer with an in-unison “I do”.  I, being the youngest, ask “Can I have two?”  As you can imagine my brothers immediately looked at me with ire and flames in their eyes as my dad replied “I guess since your brother thinks he should have two then everyone will have NONE.”  Oh crap!!  Both my brothers leaned over toward me and stick their fists in my gut.  They were so mad.  I ruined their chance of having a piece of Mrs. Field’s mall cookie heaven in their grasp.  Of course I begged and begged that my dad change his mind if for no other reason so that I could live to see the next day.  My dad held firm.  I still have never lived it down.

As you can tell, no matter the bruises that were induced, my brothers let me live.  They gave me a second chance.  Second chances are how we grow.  I learned in a quick moment of cookie loss that I should stop asking for more than what is provided.  Several years later my dad asked a similar question and my answer was quite different and we all got to enjoy a treat.  My dad knew that the second chance that he could provide would mean more to me now than ever.

As I grew older and into my teen years I started to lose my appreciation for the small things in life (like a cookie or an ice cream cone) and started taking advantage of my parents and my education.  I went off to a local community college and halfway through my second semester I dropped out.  I began to work full time; I moved into an apartment with some buddies and started down the road to life-with-nothing.  I began to run with the wrong guys and smoke and drink the wrong things.  My life was headed down the road that I never thought I would get off of.  It didn’t take but a few months to realize that the choices that I had made had landed me deep in despair and without relationships.  I had broken a lot of ties with family, I had no money to pay for gas to get to work and I just flat lost.  I mustered up some courage to ask for some help from my parents.  I think they were a little reluctant but just wanted me to be “okay” again.  I asked my dad to allow me to close the lease on my apartment and kick my so-called-buddies out.  It left me with a hefty payout and a $1600 phone sex bill that my roommates racked up as I was staying closer to work.  It all was in my name.  I paid out over the course of the next 3-6 months over $3000 to my dad for bailing my out of the situation.  I moved back in with my parents and paid minimal rent while continuing to work and give every dime I made to my parents for the payoff.

I got my act together and asked my parents what my options were if I went back to school.  At this time they informed me that I could go back to the community college where I started and work my way toward going to MidAmerica Nazarene University.  That is what I needed.  I needed a chance.  No matter how long it took, I was in for the haul.  I needed my life back.

Just a few days after the New Year my mom came and offered me the chance to go to MNU without having to prove myself.  She had given me a second chance.  I did not have to prove myself and I was given grace.  I can’t explain why, they just gave it to me.  I think that parents know, sometimes, when their kids need a second chance.

So whether you learn from an incident like the cookie debacle and get a second chance to redeem yourself to make the family happy or you fall on your face in life and those around you pick you up and with lots of grace push you to get going again remember; in life we need second chances.  Offer second chances to those around you and ask for second chances when you need them.